Don’t Outsource the Heart: How to Host at Home with Intention (Even When Life Is Full)
There’s a version of hosting that’s basically performance. And then there’s the kind I grew up with—the kind that had everything to do with being intentional…where you could feel, the second you walked in, that someone thought about you before you arrived.
My parents were incredible hosts. It was a culture of welcoming people in. Music on. Lighting right. Food planned. Little stations throughout the house that made everything feel easy and thoughtful. People from different parts of our lives who didn’t know each other, meeting under our roof and leaving as friends.
I always tell the story about learning to set a table from my grandma and mom, and people relate to that story. But it wasn’t just the table. It was the feeling underneath it all. It was the message: you matter enough for me to think this through.
If you’ve ever wanted to host guests at home—a dinner, a holiday, a casual get-together—but got stuck trying to make it perfect, this is for you. I’m going to start with the deeper truth first, because it’s the part we forget. Then you’ll get a Quick Hosting Guide with real-life hosting tips (lighting, flow, the bathroom reset, what to put out), plus the stories and small details that make people feel cared for, even when life is full. And at the end, I’ll share the Essential Hosting Tools I reach for most (with product links), in case you want to build your own little “hosting kit” over time.
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Affiliate disclosure: Some links below are affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting Cocó Curated Living.
Why Hosting Takes Effort (And Why It’s Worth It)
Let me say this upfront: I’m not here to tell you to do more. I’m here to name what matters so hosting can feel simpler…and more like you.
Some people love making magic out in the world and don’t want to run the home base. That’s not a flaw. That’s wiring. I’m talking to the ones who do want to host, but get stuck chasing perfection and forget the point: being with the people you love.
Here’s the quieter truth. The most nourishing parts of life usually ask something of us. Not hustle. Not performance. Just a little elbow grease in the direction of what we actually want. Because connection doesn’t happen by accident. A home where people relax, laugh, linger, and leave feeling held takes intention. It takes effort.
And that effort is not “extra.” It’s the whole thing.
My mom modeled this for me. She worked in a steady, loving way—not to impress anyone, but because care is something you do. Hosting fills me for the same reason. And I want to say this plainly: I have four kids. One is severely medically fragile. There are seasons where the hospital becomes part of our routine and I’m running on fumes. So when I say hosting takes work, I’m not saying it from a life that’s easy. I’m saying it from the middle of real life. It would be so easy to say, we’re too busy, too tired, the house isn’t ready, life is too complicated. I understand all of that.
But I also know we don’t actually know how long we get.
I lost my brother suddenly at 52. No warning. One phone call and everything changed. And with my mom’s Alzheimer’s, I don’t know how many more gatherings we get where she’s still here in the room with us. So when I say gathering matters, I don’t mean it as a cute idea. I mean it in my bones.
This is one of the ways I stay human. One of the ways I keep my people close. One of the ways I create joy on purpose—especially when everything else feels heavy.
And I’m mindful about not burning out. I let it be shared. And I love when people naturally pitch in—clearing, refilling, carrying—because somewhere in the middle of that, it stops feeling like “hosting” and starts feeling like community.
You can outsource the food. You can outsource the cleanup. You can simplify the decor and serve it on paper plates. But you cannot outsource the heart.
So before the stories, here’s the quick guide—the part you can save, Pin, share, and come back to (download button just below). Then keep reading 🤍
Pin this Quick Hosting Guide (Hosting Tips for Real Life) →
Save it, screenshot it, or download the image by clicking here for later.
The Secret to Great Hosting: How to make guests feel welcome
There’s a cousin of mine who tends to keep to himself, but he’s perceptive, sentimental, and deeply loving. A month or so after my wedding, we were texting, and he said something that still makes me emotional to this day.
He told me the most amazing thing about our wedding was how we made everyone feel special. Not the flowers. Not the music. Not the details. How we made people feel. And that mattered so much to me because that was my intention, even if I didn’t have the words for it yet. It was never about showing off. It was about creating care from the moment they arrived.
Caipirinhas waiting for guests the second they walked up the steps… kids’ tables with crafts and masks and little activities… babysitters in a separate room with sleeping bags and games so parents could breathe. It wasn’t perfection. It was care. It was an experience.
And for someone who barely speaks to notice it and name it like that, it told me what my signature really is.
Fast forward to last week.
We hosted again, and another one of my cousins—an incredible cook who has traveled the world and has experienced beautiful things—said something to me the next morning that stopped me. He said our house has an incredible vibe. He was grateful we hosted because everyone feels good here. And again, notice what he didn’t say. He didn’t go into detail about the styling. Or what we served. Or the things. He described the feeling. That’s what people remember. It’s the effort that says: I thought of you.
Done Is Better Than Perfect: hosting without stress
I also need to say this because it changed me.
I had a heart attack (SCAD) five weeks after my twin girls were born. Before that, I cared a lot about perfection. Maybe that was my marketing, client-service driven brain. Maybe it was being younger. Maybe it was trying to match what I grew up seeing. But after that, something shifted.
The night before my daughter’s first birthday and Baptism, I remember running around late at night with one of my closest girlfriends. She knew my perfectionism. We were hanging something, and I popped it up and said, “Done is better than perfect.” We laughed because she could tell I had changed. Not because I suddenly didn’t care, but because I finally understood what mattered. The thought behind it mattered. The ambience… the feeling.
I also remember the day after… I walked outside with my dog, looked back at my house, and felt gratitude that the day before, those walls had held so much love, joy, and beauty.
And I also realized this practical tip: if you do five amazing things, people don’t notice what isn’t perfect. They feel the magic of what is.
Hosting Isn’t About Perfection: It’s About Presence
Hosting isn’t about having the biggest or most “perfect” house. My mom always said, “There’s always going to be someone who has more than you, and someone who has less than you.” If you measure your hosting by square footage or spending, you’ll always feel behind.
People come because you love having them here.
My husband and I are joyful when people are in our home. We plan for it. We think it through. And our kids are watching—learning what it looks like to prepare, to notice, to make room for people. So in a time when so many people are lonely, when everything is digital, when we’re exhausted and half connected, that kind of effort isn’t extra. I believe it’s essential. It’s how you keep your people close.
Don’t outsource the heart. Because that part can’t be bought. And it’s the part that lasts 🩶.
